"As men, we buy expensive shoes and suits. Sandile Mkhize, a 32-year-old from KwaMashu, said for men the addiction is costly. He told me I should call him when I have decided to get help." One day, he learnt that I had missed my car instalments and that was it. What he did not know was that I was in the deep end. "He was very furious but he promised to help. Her fiance wanted to help her cut some clothing accounts. When he found out that debt collectors were breathing on my neck, he freaked out." "My fiance did not know I buy online so much. Maredi's debts also cost her a relationship. I currently work at the bank and the only way to get a new job is if I can remedy my debt life." Nkele Maredi, a mother of two, had her salary garnisheed because she could not pay all her creditors any longer. As we speak, I'm in debt and I could no longer afford basic things like buying groceries at Woolworths." " I owed three different banks about R170000 on credit cards that I used for getaways with friends and mostly shopping. She realised when her whole salary started going to credit cards that she could not afford to buy anymore. "I earn a very decent salary, banks approached me with credit cards and would usually increase my buying power. I got used to it, then I started using my salary to feed my addiction."Īt first, the 29-year-old quantity surveyor could afford whatever she wanted to buy. He cheated a lot but would send me money to apologise. "It made me feel better after I had a fight with my baby daddy. Thando Ndlovu of Albermale in Germiston, east of Johannesburg, said for her, shopping was a coping mechanism. Sunday World polled some adults who admitted they are addicted and their habits had cost them their financial freedom. Is it similar to impulse control disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorders, or addiction? But scientists are yet to figure out how to categorise it. An estimated 5 to 8% of the population are thought to suffer from it. Shopping addiction has many names - pathological buying, compulsive buying, buying addiction, and oniomania. The craving is said to come from the field of behavioural addiction which includes problems like gambling and cybersex addiction. The idea is to cause a craving to purchase. So when you are on Facebook, Instagram, or playing an online game, you see more ads. The study found that the condition is on the rise, with at least 70% of the working population now chronically broke, falling into credit card debt for everyday spending.Īccording to Psychology Today, sponsored online ads are trying to capitalise on a concept scientists call "cue-reactivity," or excitement from shopping cues. With the rise of internet shopping, this problem is escalating.Ī recent study, conducted by the Society for the Study of Addiction, reveals that compulsive buying behaviour affects more that half the adult population in developed countries, particularly young women in low-income groups. Retail therapy is hardly therapeutic when it leaves you penniless. So, consider seeking relationship counseling, and give yourself some time to learn new effective communication skills.Shopping should come with medical aid cover, especially for the compulsive few. It took you a while to master those ineffective communication skills. Don’t be hard on yourself if you are trying to use more effective ways to communicate, but you find yourself resorting back to old habits. Being an effective communicator takes practice. How did you feel? Did you both feel heard? If your spouse is reading this article too, try doing it together. When talking to your spouse, try giving your undivided attention and repeating back to them what you understood without interrupting. It is impossible to truly move towards problem solving until each person feels understood. Active listening may involve phases such as, “What I’m hearing you say is” or “What I heard you say is”. In my practice, I help couples learn to actively listen by having them take turns speaking, listening, and reflecting back to each other what they heard. Sometimes, we find ourselves getting upset with our significant other because we react on what we thought we heard.Īctive listening in an effective tool to help ensure all parties understand the message to be conveyed. If you and your spouse find yourselves struggling to communicate, perhaps you may want to try active listening.īeing an effective communicator involves active listening. Whether you have been married two months or 20 years, mastering the art of listening can help to improve your marriage and move you towards becoming a more effective communicator. As a marriage counselor, I’ve heard countless variations of “My spouse just doesn’t get it” or “My spouse doesn’t hear me”.
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